I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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