I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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