Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize