Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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