I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
