btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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