This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it's like iHOP with fire
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
