you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
