Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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