i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize