The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
