I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have aggressive nipples.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
