you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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