is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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