Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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