some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
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