i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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