walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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