Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
