I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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