My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
