ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
