i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize