I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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