Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Did I show you my penis last night?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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