He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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