Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
