Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
