hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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