so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
