So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there was a trapeze. enough said
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize