I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize