paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
