Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
