I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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