we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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