I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
