So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
