she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
