Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
