...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
