i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
That's when you crack a 10am beer
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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