he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
