Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i now understand why vodka
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
