Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
