we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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