When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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