Fuck appropriateness.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
