Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When did angry sex become our thing?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize