In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
