forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
