just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize