Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
