Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Non-Jews are for practice
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize