so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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