Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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