I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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