Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
