i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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