We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
