I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
