Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
