And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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