saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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