Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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