It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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