You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
