Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
