You're so nebulous sometimes
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Randomize
