bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
