Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
