she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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