shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
