Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
