just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
