I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
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