I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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