you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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