Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
