We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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