he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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