Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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