highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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