I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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