First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
