Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
