What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize