"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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