If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
