We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
