College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize