when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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