You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize