I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
