First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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