My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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