I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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