She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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