drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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