Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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