it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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