she woke up with a sticky ear
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize