you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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