for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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