Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
