I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
